Death of Oswaldo Paya ‘Not Suspicious’ Claims Note Pinned to his Corpse

The prominent Cuban dissident and human rights activist Oswaldo Paya has been found dead in what many are journalists are loudly calling an accident while looking nervously around the room.

Despite being a vocal thorn in the side of cuba’s one party system Paya’s death is being treated as accidental. Paya, 60, was perhaps best known for  his involvement in the Varela Project - a campaign to gather signatures in support of a referendum on laws guaranteeing civil rights. Paya took charge of the controversial project after his predecessor killed himself by setting his house on fire and then blowing himself up in his car with three pounds of C4

 

In May 2002, Paya presented Cuba's National Assembly with a petition of more than 10,000 signatures calling for an end to four decades of one-party rule. It is this courageous action against the country’s communist leadership that is thought to be in no way connected to his demise at all

It was in the early hours of this  morning when  Mr Paya’s body was found in his car which had ‘run into a tree’. Paya, who has been described as a caring man, a loving father and a man who could not previously drive, was taken from the vehicle as paramedics and several unnamed men in smart black suits pronounced him dead on the scene.

A preliminary coroner’s report has confirmed that Paya’s blood showed him being well over the legal limit of both alcohol and arsenic, which many are speculating  may have lead to the tragic crash. Officials have also concluded that Paya would have been transporting several dozen knives and handguns in his lap due to the quantity of cuts and gunshot wounds found on the body. Sources close to paya are have come forward to say that he often liked to drive recklessly on cliff roads while taking the safety catches off of pistols he liked to leave on his crotch.

 

However it was the note that Paya left on his chest, secured by a rusty dagger that confirmed the death as accidental. “this is accidental, look no further”, the missive read. Cuban news outlets are speculating that due to the many Government enemies Paya had, he wished to quell any conspiracies with his dying breath. Paya then doused himself in gasoline, set himself alight, pulled his own tongue out and separated his head from his body.

Cuban police have stated that Paya’s death is a tragic piece of bad luck for which no one is responsible.

 

Announcing Paya’s death from the steps of party headquarters an unnamed cuban representative who happened to be holding what looked like a brake lead and a hatchet gave his deepest condolences to Paya’s family and said he hoped that other activists would not be perturbed by the news.

The man then laughed for several minutes while firing a pistol into the air and crowd

Mayan Prophecy Foretold Death of the Sun in 2012

Experts in the history and culture of the Mayan people have come forward recently to claim that clues left in their calenders and writings may indicate that they were able to predict the closure of the Sun newspaper.

Professor Christmas Jones told us, “We have long known that the Mayans were involved in mystical pre-determination through their calenders and their love of child sacrifices, but when we read ominous portents that 'The Sun would become corrupted. Would wither and fall in the year 2012' I admit we kind of went barking up the wrong tree.”

Professor Jones, who is making a BBC4 documentary about the findings, showed us some ancient tablets that seem to point to the dissolution of the paper, which for many years has been the chief source of bigotry and tits for builders. One tablet shows a shadowy figure flanked by feathered serpents, throwing himself before the Sun and trying to protect it.

Professor Jones explained, “This is a figure that was called the 'Murr-docq' a powerful demi-god that comes from a hellishly hot plane of existence full of snakes and poison. We had assumed that this was an early analog for our Christian conception of the Devil and Hell, but I think we can see now that it clearly references Media tycoon Rupert Murdoch and Australia respectively”

“The fact that Mr. Murdoch has been privately breeding feathered serpents just compounds this theory.”

“In the stories the priests of the Sun attempt to gain a higher knowledge, by the giving of sacrifices and tributes to the Mayan gods of Law. Unknown by them is that this knowledge- including the words of a public figure known as 'Roo-Nee' who we're trying to find a match for- contained within it the seeds of a great corruption that infected the Sun and caused it to drop from the sky like a rotted pear.”

Commenting on the possibility that this newer theory may nullify the popular wish that the earth would be entirely wiped out in 2012, Professor Jones told us, “I hate to say it, but that John Cusack film might have been pretty far off the mark, here.”

The release of this exciting new theory has come hot on the heels of four Sun journalists being detained by the police they used to bribe, in a situation that most agree will be handled in a completely above board manner with absolutely no shadowy deals.

Ominously floppy faced News International owner Rupert Murdoch has also come forward publically to claim that the Sun will not close, despite the predetermined course of events.

Murdoch told the Press today: “I have complete faith in the Scotland Yard team leading the investigation into corruption and bribery. I know Chief Inspector Ian Hunt (who has two daughters, an ex-wife called Linda and the voicemail code 3569) will get to the bottom of it. And Detective Constable Allan Turner won't let his drinking problem or his mistress Delilah interfere with the investigation.”


MM