Whitney Houston Dies Through Kevin Costner’s Negligence

Crack cocaine enthusiast and singer of long ballads Whitney Houston died yesterday in a shocking homicide that US police are already calling “entirely the fault of Kevin Costner”

The 59 year old singer was shot dead by a deranged fan outside a concert yesterday when Mr. Costner failed to intervene, neglecting to save her life and spark a wonderful romance between the singer and the surly actor whose past is a painful secret that can only be revealed through true love.

Ms. Houston’s family have already come out to criticize Kevin Costner for not being there when the singer was inundated by threatening letters, failed to carry her out of a gig when menaced by crowds, and did not lower his defences and woo her in a cabin when finally succumbing to his feelings.

Whitney Houston’s sister Jilly hit out at the Field of Dreams star earlier today, saying, “We could excuse him missing out on a few of those early steps, but the fact that Costner was not there at the end to battle a psychotic fan and save the life of our Whitney is inexcusable. And have you seen Waterworld? It’s awful.”

“There is blood on the hands of Kevin Costner. I hope that the guilt drives him insane.”

Today, however, tributes from the world of showbiz are pouring in for Houston. legendary record producer Quincy Jones told CNN: “She was perhaps the world’s finest singer when it comes down to holding one note for an extraordinary amount of time. That really propelled her to the top.”

Meanwhile ex-husband and New Edition singer Bobby Brown, who bonded with Houston over their shared admiration for crack cocaine, tweeted today: “I’ll always remember her, hoovering up all that crack. She took to it like a duck to water. People remember her music, but for me, her real talent always lay in circumventing customs.”

Though the singer’s most famous hit ‘I Will Always Love You’ (which was number one from june 1993 to October 1997) is statistically the most played song at funerals the singer’s will has stated directly that the song should not be played at her burial, as she is posthumously opting for the theme tune to helicopter based US TV series ‘Airwolf’ instead

MM