Oxford University Union Invites The Saturdays to Speak

Following the successful appearance of ‘Mysterious Girl’ singer Peter Andre, the historic and prestigious Oxford union has extended an invitation to The Saturdays, Pixie Lott, the cast of Hollyoaks and the DJ Tim Westwood to the hallowed seat of learning.

The flurry of invitations to pretty tanned people who sing and jig about to the Universities union – which had previously been the stage for lectures and discussions from the world’s leading wits and intellectuals- is thought to be in direct response to the popularity of Peter Andre’s performance wherein he held the country’s young elite spellbound as he discussed recording the single ‘Flava’ from 1997’s album ‘Natural’.

Mr. Andre’s invitation to the respected and expensive place of higher education was said to have been in reaction to his ex wife Katie ‘Jordan’ Price’s inclusion in a debate in Cambridge University where she took verbally jousted with Boris Johnson’s sister in an event that organizers insist was not some kind of strange joke.

Oxford union president and editor of Heat Boyd Hilton told us, “The inclusion of these celebrities in the traditions of the most revered universities in the land is a great reflection of our culture. In the past people were fascinated with political or scientific figures and concepts so the union would greet the likes of Albert Einstein r the Dali Lama.”

“Now, our students want to tackle the issues of the day, like what precisely is Insania? How does one bounce back after the public split with a reality TV star? What was it like being married to Jordan? Our culture has moved on, and we must move on with them.”

Though Peter Andre was largely there to give a talk on his life and career in late 90s pop music, his ex wife’s appearance was a much more challenging intellectual affair, as is befitting a glamour model and perfume spokesperson such as her.

In her Cambridge debate against Rachel Johnson, the busty Essex born ex-Page three stunna advocated women’s aptitude in business and whether or not being filmed by ITV for several long years constituted any actual knowledge or skill besides ‘pouting’ and ‘shrillness’.

In a heated debate in front of 600 students who will one day run Britain, Price was deemed victorious through her twin debate strategies of pouting and being quite shrill.

Following these twin victories for the institution of higher education the two oldest universities in Britain have now secured five headed pop sensation The Saturdays to speak to them about dancing and being pretty.

The Saturdays have gleefully accepted the invitation by tweeting a series of smiley faces and being photographed at premieres while giving a thumbs up/peace sign to the paparazzi, which is their collective way of showing approval or agreeing to things.

The Saturdays are expected to speak at the Union some time next month where a selection of Oxford undergraduates will be able to ask them about the pressures of fame, the advantages of a Keynesian economic model and how they get their hair to be so shiny.


MM