Rod Liddle Diagnosed with Chronic Type 2 Cockheadedness

Dreary, sleepy-eyed shite cannon Rod Liddle has been diagnosed with a chronic mental condition today. Neurological experts have claimed that the ‘journalist’ and bore has a chronic brain condition wherein he cannot stop saying and writing reactionary drivel.

Medical experts have confirmed,“It’s very serious”

The condition was caught, tragically in its end stages yesterday when Liddle took to the Sun to write a lengthy piece about how he would like to become disabled in order to claim benefits, adding that ME was probably not a real condition in a move that psychologists are calling ‘staggeringly retarded’.

But in a tragic irony, this article was the deciding sign that Liddle is actually suffering from a serious brain disorder that forces him to yaffle on about political correctness, atheists and immigrants with a level of laser-guided and persistent shitheadedness only explicable through medical compulsion.

Neurologist and brain chemistry expert Dr. Donald T Lyle was the first to become alarmed at the telltale signs of the little understood condition (dubbed Littlejohn’s Syndrome or ‘LJS’). Lyle diagnosed Liddle after reading through the recent article of what an LJS sufferer would consider to be an assault on bourgeois sensibilities but what is, in fact, lazy, faux-inflammatory brainpiss to every person with a healthy non-disabled mind

Lyle explained the method of diagnosis, saying, “The warning bells went off when I read:

• “My New Year’s resolution for 2012 was to become disabled. Nothing too serious, maybe just a bit of a bad back or one of those newly invented illnesses which make you a bit peaky for decades – fibromyalgia, or M.E.”

in neurological terms, that’s the equivalent of someone pooing into the bath and giggling for seven minutes. It is, in layman’s terms, very, very retarded.”

“But when he wrote:

• “It has become easier to claim those benefits, partly as a consequence of the disablement charities who, out of their own self-interest, insist that an ever-greater proportion of the population is disabled.”

I knew we were looking at a serious case of LJS, maybe as much as a 8.7 on the Jan Moir scale of cerebral cuntitude”

“He is clearly a very ill man. We will take care of him.”

“What we’d like to do is to take him in, for observation. Taking him to an NHS hospital is sure to fire off what we call the bell-end-synaptical-trigger mechanism in an LJS sufferers head and we can take a good look at his brain as he farts opinions about the NHS out of his sneery mouth hole”

However, Lyle warned that LJS was an easy illness to dismiss, stating that most people simply avoid sufferers by choosing to not spend time with awful, awful people.

Lyle explained, “It’s like if Tourrette’s collided with the Daily Mail and a herd of cab drivers. It really is tragic and we’d like to use Rod as a means of raising awareness for the sufferers around the world who, unfortunately, are typically dismissed as utter pricks”

Lyle listed possible symptoms; “Is there a person in your life that likes to rattle off opinions on ‘sensitive’ issues like he was trying to become a new, purer breed of Clarkson? Is their default facial expressions a superior sneer? How many times a day do they talk about this country ‘going to the dogs’? When they talk about the weaker members of society is it with an attitude of sociopathic bloodlust?”

“Do they now, or have they ever written for the Sun? Do they believe that having an opinion in the Sun is a good thing, or are they healthy and believe that it’s akin to having the loudest armpit flatulence on the special needs bus?”

“If the answer to two or more of these is yes, please report them to the nearest clinic and please, please try to restrain your natural impulse to punch them in their bloated, self-satisfied faces.”

“Nature has already blighted these people enough”


MM