Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Iran’s Military Now Being Run By Cobra Commander

In light of newly released video showing a group of women being trained as ninja assassins, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has ended months of speculation and admitted to the U.N that yes, international terrorist and foe of G.I Joe Cobra Commander has taken charge of the country’s armed forces.

U.N peace envoy David Hayter told us, “This is an unstable region, but when we saw this video we began to suspect the involvement of Cobra. The signs are all there: the insane over the top nature of the scheme is classic Cobra tactics, relying as heavily as it does on the use of ninjas

“Cobra is renowned for its absurd plans and as we saw the footage of an Iranian dojo in which black clad females flailed two nunchuks at the camera and jumped over swords, we all came to the same conclusion.”

“Today’s revelation is, quite simply, a big step back for middle eastern peace negotiations.”

Cobra Commander had been missing and presumed dead after an incident in 2008 when his organisation somehow managed to clone the President, taking over the White House and unfurling the distinctive Cobra flags in a coup attempt that was foiled by the Rock hours later.

Though the terrorist was suspected of having been killed by karate and explosions in the conflagration to reclaim the White House, the criminal has been known to fake his own death before, to evade authorities if he cannot reach an escape rocket shaped like a snake.

However the collusion between the Commander and the Iranian Prime Minister is being seen by many as an act of hostility. Many experts are saying that the training of ninja assassins seen in the video, cannot be seen as a good omen for peace.

Though it is unclear what use the ninja assassin squad will be put to, and why it is that all of the members of the squad are exclusively female, many experts are already warning that the soldiers may well be as sexy as they are deadly- a dangerous combination.

The US- the home of the Joes- is today holding emergency meetings to consider what should be done about the threat of the shadow warrior. Many high ranking military intelligence officials have advocated building teams of US ninjas to fight the menace- noting that the ‘good’ ninjas should be clad in white for clarity.

Others have proposed letting GI Joe handle the situation in Iran before tensions rise to a point where negotiations become untenable, though deployment of the versatile fighting force may be counted as an act of aggression, critics have warned.

The UN has proposed applying weapon restrictions to the nation that will guard against the kind of over the top doomsday devices that Cobra Commander is known for. Bankie Moon told us: “We are discussing, at this stage, legislating against the building of HISS tanks, giant drills that turn into helicopters, aircraft carriers that fold out to become mechs and any robots. We cannot tell Iran’s president who to put in power, but we can monitor what this Cobra Commander produces”

Worries that these measures will simply make Iran focus entirely on an army of lady-ninjas are currently being discussed.