Beloved British political institution the BNP is suffering a crisis of leadership, it has been reported. The political and ideological battle between leader Nick Griffin and Andrew Brons, which has led to the recent departure of two of the party’s MEPs has- in an official statement from the party- been identified as the direct result of the influence of ‘pakkies, darkies, benders, nig-nogs, jim-jams,kikes and the popularity of Usain Bolt and/or Ainsley Harriott’
However several party insiders have indicated that the rift has its roots in Nick Griffin’s leadership which, many agree, is moving the party away from their core principles and policies; policies which include harsher immigration regulation, increased defence spending, setting mosques on fire, economic distance from Europe and the organisation of groups of skinheads to stab up minorities in alleyways in Birmingham.
The move away from the traditional BNP model of dim young men in doc martins hurling bottles at black people and into the more politically tenable image of eerie men in suits shrieking invective about Sharia law on the BBC is thought to be the source of party unrest.
“Nope. It’s darkies.” retorted Party representative Brian Colshut.
“Our leadership is strong, our belief in Nick Griffin and our fear of his one, roving eldritch eye (which sees all) is as untarnished as ever. It is unfortunate that some have chosen to leave the party but that is not symptomatic of a lack of confidence in our leader. All it does prove, once again, is the insidious influence of Nigerians, with their dark jungle magicks.”
He continued, “Those tricky negroes have been trying to bring our party down with voodoo and rap for years. Yet the Home Secretary still refuses to let my lads exterminate them with baseball bats. It’s political correctness gone mad But anyway. This is not about any internal political strife. No sirree. It’s about shifty Sikhs and bummers.”
Nick Griffin is regarded as a slick political player within the party, despite looking like someone tried to make a sculpture of Adrian Chiles out of old pork using only a dull chisel and hate, and this shift in leadership style has been a cause for concern amongst many racists.
BNP member Quentin Crusp told us, “We respect the work that Mr Griffin has done in bringing more legitimacy and power to our organisation. In 2008 we secured a 5.2 per cent vote in the London mayoral election and secured one seat in the London assembly. You have no idea how many Ugandans that let us intimidate . So we appreciate the work."
“But there are a lot of us who wish to return to our more traditional values. This is a complex political world and to stand out your message has to be simple. At core ours is: we firmly oppose black people not being chased off the cliffs of Dover. Surrounding this main tenet with lots of legislation about the EU is all very well but we need to return to what we believe- no minority in Britain should live entirely without fear of violent reprisal. Simple.”
Neither Andrew Brons nor Mr Griffin have issued any official statement but many are speculating on a split in the BNP, perhaps resulting in a new, more militant new party. A coalition of legal immigrants have called the news ‘just absolutely fucking fantastic’