Thursday, 8 November 2012

France to Get Gayer

France, which was voted the gayest of all possible countries by a council of blokes from Newcastle, is considering becoming even more gay, according to some sources.

France, which already allows both civil unions between same sex partners and berets is said to be considering extending the rights of gay couples to include adoption. However, the adoption of little french babies by couples who may or may not be working in the fashion industry, as perfumers, in boutiques or in artisan bakeries has raised concerns from some Catholic pressure groups within the notoriously flouncy nation.

The decision, which is set to be argued by both sides as they drink those tiny cups of coffee, wave their hands about and go ‘haw hee haw hee haw’ is thought to be a contentious issue to the French Catholic church, although the issue already has the backing of President Francois Hollande who, experts agree, has a very foofy name.

The head of the French Council of Bishops, Cardinal Andre Vingt-Trois (whose name also sounds like some gaelic buggery euphemism), has been vocal in opposing the rights of French gays to get even gayer. Despite coming from the same country as the music of Serge Gainsbourg, coq au vin and the expression ‘sacre bleu!’ Vingt-Trois has described gay marriage as "the ultimate deceit"

The debate over the legal status of civil unions being able to adopt has shocked the wider european political world, since most countries already naturally thought that it was already very legal in France since, well, y’know... France. Representatives of Sweden expressed disbelief at the political gridlock, stating that most people naturally assumed that France is where gay adoption (and most gays) actually originated.

France’s flagrant gayness has already been confirmed through its consistent victories over England in football in which they employ effete prancing and confusing flirtation instead of bullish, masculine running/losing. Although some experts in France’s gayness argue that the gayness can be traced back to World War Two in which the nation is seen to have acted in what noted historian Giles Peterhead has called ‘ a remarkably gay way’.

Though many experts are divided on when France officially became gay many trace the date to the advent of the frill.

The accepted homosexuality of the European land-mass is said to be the cause for confusion in the EU as politicians and commentators struggle to fathom a world in which France tries to be marginally less gay. It’s a move that Angela Merkel has described as akin to “the sea trying to get a little drier, up trying to get more down or the sun trying to dim down”

Civil rights activists have pointed out that if the adoption reform does not pass into French legislature that will mean that the country will be officially less progressive than Britain (where same-sex adoption is legal), despite the fact that Britain contains both Dundee and Vinnie Jones.

The vote will be held in Early February


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