Following his re-election this Tuesday and despite the dire warnings of right-wing pundits Barrack Obama has, in his inaugural speech as two-term President finally announced that he will begin dismantling the American Dream and extinguishing christian values wherever they appear.
The very black Kenyan despot made the announcement last night from the lawn of the White House, in front of a team of socialist stormtroopers who were spraying the iconic building a mixture of blood-red and black in a move that Conservative broadcasters called “frighteningly predictable”.
To rapturous applause Obama began, “Thank you for giving me this chance. I know my first term was in some senses a disappointment. I had to deal with the financial crisis and I also had to lay tracks for the changes that I and the rest of the Democratic party promised. We had to establish Obamacare, we had to start working on abortion reform, we had to learn to walk in the daylight and we had to pull our troops from Afghanistan. Now, with this new pooowerrr and the promise of four more years I can begin the real change.”
“Here is the change I promised thee.”
“Finally I have the chance to do what I have always wanted. This is now officially a socialist state. Rogue abortionists on horseback will prowl the streets tearing the unborn from the wombs of any woman...well, any white woman. The military will be dismantled, the smoking of legal marijuana will replace the recitation of the pledge of allegiance in our schools and all of your guns will be melted down and turned into a giant statue of my friend Jay-Z’s big face.”
To an increasingly unsettled silence from his audience, the visibly excited incumbent President continued, “Money shall be abolished. Each week the government will issue each person fifteen peuce discs which will be the basis of a barter system and all boys who come of age shall toil in the salt mines for a mandatory six years. These labours will form the basis of the new glorious state of Unmerica.”
“Unmerica- all are equal, and all are worthless”
“As for God?” The President continued, looked visibly pained as he spoke the word, “Me and Biden will have that name scrubbed from every inch of this land. In keeping with my new laws any who keep any holy books will be put to the pits where monkeys will beat them to death- a reminder of my might and of the rule of evolution, which will be taught to children until they realize that they are just dumb animals spawned randomly from ancient slime and then later hippos.”
The announcement of the abolition of capitalism and democracy, though shocking to many, is in keeping with many of the election predictions of conservative and Tea Party members, who warned of the shadow of socialism blotting out the sun if Mitt Romney was to be defeated at the polls.
Level headed prophets such as Donald Trump, Megyn Kelly, Roscharch, Glenn Beck and Tod Akin were noted voices of dissent against the march of socialism during the election but were roundly ignored due to being 'laughable'. However, this Tuesday an unprecedented amount of latinos, homosexuals and serpents turned out in the polling booths to cast their vote for Obama.
The new state of Unmerica, whose flag depicts a bowing man under an enormous black eye, has already withdrawn from the UN, cut communications from the rest of the west and began to enforce daily prayer sessions to Allah
MM
No comments:
Post a Comment