Our Cultural Editor Nick Huffington-Paint takes a look at this years highlights and lowlights from the world of cinema.
In Part One, We list the top five films of the last year.
Top 5:
No. 1-’Disability’
15 certificate
15 certificate
13th february 2011
Synopsis:
Harrowing romantic drama starring Daniel Day Lewis in a career defining role as a man so retarded he doesn’t even know what love is. Cate Blanchett is his emotionally distant nurse who gradually falls for the man behind the disability. Facing off against social pressures, Blanchett’s nurse- Grace Patience- tries to teach Day-Lewis how to love.
No dice.
Tagline:
Love is retarded
Notable quote:
Grace: Ah need to tell you something Henry. Ah need to tell you that I don’t care what the doctors call you. Ah don’t care what you have. I don’t care about the rest of it, what’s on the outside, your ‘condition’. Because,well, I’ve got a ‘condition’ too. And like yours, it stops my brain working right, it’s changed my life and it’s turned my world upside down. That condition is love, Henry, love for you. Simple and pure and plain. And even if you can’t understand me, even if you can’t comprehend the words, I needed to say it. Just once. I love you and I always will.
Henry: SAUSAGES!!
No. 2- ‘Y Tamba tu Loripori Fagina Caca (Whispers from my Shattered Vagina)’
18 certificate
Synopsis:
Harrowing romantic drama starring Daniel Day Lewis in a career defining role as a man so retarded he doesn’t even know what love is. Cate Blanchett is his emotionally distant nurse who gradually falls for the man behind the disability. Facing off against social pressures, Blanchett’s nurse- Grace Patience- tries to teach Day-Lewis how to love.
No dice.
Tagline:
Love is retarded
Notable quote:
Grace: Ah need to tell you something Henry. Ah need to tell you that I don’t care what the doctors call you. Ah don’t care what you have. I don’t care about the rest of it, what’s on the outside, your ‘condition’. Because,well, I’ve got a ‘condition’ too. And like yours, it stops my brain working right, it’s changed my life and it’s turned my world upside down. That condition is love, Henry, love for you. Simple and pure and plain. And even if you can’t understand me, even if you can’t comprehend the words, I needed to say it. Just once. I love you and I always will.
Henry: SAUSAGES!!
No. 2- ‘Y Tamba tu Loripori Fagina Caca (Whispers from my Shattered Vagina)’
18 certificate
2nd november 2011
Synopsis:
This is the story of Katya a young Serbian girl living with a sexually abusive father, desperate to protect her innocent younger sister Angel from his nigh-constant raping. After her father throws her out onto the grim streets she descends into the world of sex trafficking where she is raped in warehouses then dosed with heroin. However, after a police bust she is arrested and accidentally transferred to an all male prison where she is also raped quite a bit. On her release she is kidnapped by a wealthy banker who turns out to secretly be a rapist who keeps her in his converted panic room to be raped, however after he rapes himself into a heart attack and dies on her mid-rape Katya is finally free. Taking the dead banker’s riches she tries to re-assemble her life and decides to get a sex change operation so that she can never be raped again. Now a man, she tries to romance a chaste young woman she finds herself drawn to. Frustrated and drunk one night, Katya becomes what she hates and ends up raping the young woman he/she’s pursuing. The young woman turns out to be Angel
Synopsis:
This is the story of Katya a young Serbian girl living with a sexually abusive father, desperate to protect her innocent younger sister Angel from his nigh-constant raping. After her father throws her out onto the grim streets she descends into the world of sex trafficking where she is raped in warehouses then dosed with heroin. However, after a police bust she is arrested and accidentally transferred to an all male prison where she is also raped quite a bit. On her release she is kidnapped by a wealthy banker who turns out to secretly be a rapist who keeps her in his converted panic room to be raped, however after he rapes himself into a heart attack and dies on her mid-rape Katya is finally free. Taking the dead banker’s riches she tries to re-assemble her life and decides to get a sex change operation so that she can never be raped again. Now a man, she tries to romance a chaste young woman she finds herself drawn to. Frustrated and drunk one night, Katya becomes what she hates and ends up raping the young woman he/she’s pursuing. The young woman turns out to be Angel
Tagline:
Discover if a pure spirit can take a lot of rape
Notable Quote:
Katya: Please stop raping me, mister, my spirit can’t take all this rape
No. 3-’Four’
15 Certificate
16th June 2011
Synopsis:
Gritty re-imagining of Marvel comics’ Fantastic Four, wherein a team of intrepid astronauts exploring space get subjected to cosmic rays. These rays affect each of the astronauts by inflicting on them fantastic amounts of cancer. Each character is struck down with a radically different mass of tumours and, high on pain medication, we follow each of their intertwining dream lives as they imagine their return home as super powered heroes who can fly and stretch and be telepathic instead of pissing blood into bedpans and hammering away on a call button for a nurse to bring more morphine. In their inspiring, action-heavy dreams they fight with the dastardly Doctor Chemo Von Evilstein and his army of robot bastard lieutenants
Tagline:
This year the real superpower is not having cancer
Notable Quote:
Mister Fantastic: Set course for that glowing nebula cloud over there. I’ve got a good feeling about that one
No. 4- ‘Vengeance Sonata’
18 certificate
Synopsis:
Gritty re-imagining of Marvel comics’ Fantastic Four, wherein a team of intrepid astronauts exploring space get subjected to cosmic rays. These rays affect each of the astronauts by inflicting on them fantastic amounts of cancer. Each character is struck down with a radically different mass of tumours and, high on pain medication, we follow each of their intertwining dream lives as they imagine their return home as super powered heroes who can fly and stretch and be telepathic instead of pissing blood into bedpans and hammering away on a call button for a nurse to bring more morphine. In their inspiring, action-heavy dreams they fight with the dastardly Doctor Chemo Von Evilstein and his army of robot bastard lieutenants
Tagline:
This year the real superpower is not having cancer
Notable Quote:
Mister Fantastic: Set course for that glowing nebula cloud over there. I’ve got a good feeling about that one
No. 4- ‘Vengeance Sonata’
18 certificate
12th December 2011
Synopsis:
Mild mannered Oh Dae-Su (Min Sik Choi) is a happily mild mannered accountant with a young and heavily pregnant wife Ji Tae Yu (Woo-jin Lee). Disaster strikes, though, when a brutal low level criminal, Dae-han Ji (Ving Rhames) robs and then brutally murders Dae-su’s wife, framing him for the crime. Spending fifteen harsh years in prison, mourning for his wife Dae-Su hones his body and mind into a machine with one pure intention: revenge. The only question is; will one man’s quest for ‘justice’ drag him down into a moral quagmire, making him no better than the man who murdered his wife? Will battling a monster turn a good man into a monster in the process? Nope. The plan goes off without a hitch and Dae-Su goes on with the rest of his life, retaining the moral high ground and his soul.
Tagline:
Sometimes revenge works out just fine
Notable Quote:
Dae-han Ji: Look at you! You think you’re better than me? Look at what you’ve become! And you call me a monster? ME?! Can you honestly say we’re different now?
Oh Dae-Su: Yup
Hae-han Ji: Oh.
No.5-’Shadows of the Future Past’
15 certificate
Synopsis:
Mild mannered Oh Dae-Su (Min Sik Choi) is a happily mild mannered accountant with a young and heavily pregnant wife Ji Tae Yu (Woo-jin Lee). Disaster strikes, though, when a brutal low level criminal, Dae-han Ji (Ving Rhames) robs and then brutally murders Dae-su’s wife, framing him for the crime. Spending fifteen harsh years in prison, mourning for his wife Dae-Su hones his body and mind into a machine with one pure intention: revenge. The only question is; will one man’s quest for ‘justice’ drag him down into a moral quagmire, making him no better than the man who murdered his wife? Will battling a monster turn a good man into a monster in the process? Nope. The plan goes off without a hitch and Dae-Su goes on with the rest of his life, retaining the moral high ground and his soul.
Tagline:
Sometimes revenge works out just fine
Notable Quote:
Dae-han Ji: Look at you! You think you’re better than me? Look at what you’ve become! And you call me a monster? ME?! Can you honestly say we’re different now?
Oh Dae-Su: Yup
Hae-han Ji: Oh.
No.5-’Shadows of the Future Past’
15 certificate
7th august 2011
Synopsis:
Danish provocateur Lars Von Trier completes his audacious America trilogy he began with Dogville and Manderlay with this symbolist tome of a movie. In this stark deconstruction of the cinematic aesthetic we follow in real time the actions of a horse on a soundstage populated only with a chalk outline of the state of Washington D.C and a statue of Hitler carved out of a block of gammon. As the horse bumbles around looking befuddled the intent of the film remains unclear. Whether we choose to see it as an attack on the capitalist system, a deconstruction of the american values system or a direct challenge to Hollywood’s sensibilities is left entirely to the audience and the director’s avante garde style is sure to enrage as many as it engages. However, few can question the power of Von Trier breaking the fourth wall to set a fire on the stage causing the horse to panic and kick over the only camera. The overriding question we seem to be being ask remains: Who’s the real horse?
Tagline:
Somewhere between a horse and hitler lies truth
Notable Quote:
Him: (whinny)
Synopsis:
Danish provocateur Lars Von Trier completes his audacious America trilogy he began with Dogville and Manderlay with this symbolist tome of a movie. In this stark deconstruction of the cinematic aesthetic we follow in real time the actions of a horse on a soundstage populated only with a chalk outline of the state of Washington D.C and a statue of Hitler carved out of a block of gammon. As the horse bumbles around looking befuddled the intent of the film remains unclear. Whether we choose to see it as an attack on the capitalist system, a deconstruction of the american values system or a direct challenge to Hollywood’s sensibilities is left entirely to the audience and the director’s avante garde style is sure to enrage as many as it engages. However, few can question the power of Von Trier breaking the fourth wall to set a fire on the stage causing the horse to panic and kick over the only camera. The overriding question we seem to be being ask remains: Who’s the real horse?
Tagline:
Somewhere between a horse and hitler lies truth
Notable Quote:
Him: (whinny)
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