Wednesday, 21 December 2011

England Football Captain Accused of Indecorous Behaviours

England striker and captain John Terry has been accused of engaging in behaviours not consistent with the high moral and ethical standing expected of all British footballers, it has been claimed.

Terry has been accused of using racist language against fellow soccer star Anton Ferdinand but the 31 year old Chelsea player has denied the charge that he or any other professional footballer could be found to be vulgar, crass or in any way uncouth.

Football supporters have been shocked by these accusations. Tristram DeQuincy, an Old Trafford regular was incredulous of these allegations, saying: “I have been a keen sports supporter all of my adult life and in my time observing the Beautiful Game I have never had cause to suspect any player or supporter of using foul or inflammatory language. Upon my soul, the very thought of uncouth words being utterred in the hallowed sporting grounds set my blood all a-boil.”

“Certainly we are not above lending vocal support to whomsoever has our backing this season, but those modest shouts are gentlemanly and appropriate. If I were to hear the fellow next to me disparage another group- be they team, race, religion, creed or class- i fear my port would have to be discarded because my monocle would have departed my eyesocket in shock and have been deposited in my libation. To think of such atavistic carry-on coming from our proud lads-our lions, our country’s champions- I’m afraid I may swoon.”

Police questioned the Chelsea captain under caution in November and a file on the matter was sent to the CPS at the beginning of December, but through this Chelsea FC and its players have stood behind Terry, defending his honour despite the slurs of indiscretion.

Fellow soccer player Jon ‘Razor’ Rompton has spoken out in defence of his captain, saying: “John’s a proper gent, a prince among men. I can’t believe anyone would have anything bad to say about him. He’s the kind of geezer that when you’re spit roasting some slag with him after a night out, he’ll always offer to let you be the one to finish on her tits, he’ll even volunteer to film it on his phone and then he’ll take it on himself to be the one to tell her to fuck off and call us a taxi once we’re through with her. That can be really iffy, but the man’s a born leader.”

“He’s a great man. When we’re at a club or down the boozer, he’ll always pay for his round and he’ll only take his share of the cocaine. On a night out he’s a real gash-hound. He’ll admit it himself, he’s always after a bit of clunge, but no matter how many strippers he shags he always goes back to his fiance and I think that says a lot about his character. You can’t say that about a lot of footballers. When we’re out dogging, he’s always very careful and discreet, and if you’re hushing up some whore you beat up he’s always willing to chip in; the man’s a saint”

“If anything, he should get payed more than £150000 a week just for being a top bloke. And I refuse to believe he could utter an unkind word”

Despite these character references the investigation into the racially aggravated public order offence is ongoing

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