Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Creationist Museum Not Intelligently Designed

A Texas museum dedicated to teaching the biblical message that dinosaurs and humans co-existed just like it doesn’t say in the bible has been shut down recently, with building regulators stating that it was “not intelligently designed”

Building regulator Dexter Holland informed the authorities of the various building code violations that closed the christian establishment. He told us :“Listen, building codes and architectural rules have been in an ongoing state of flux for years now. Take disabled ramps: a problem comes along and then our buildings have to mutate to the needs of the population. If they don’t no one will frequent them and they will become neglected and eventually derelict. It’s just common sense: the buildings that adapt to the needs of the population in its environment to survive. The disabled ramps here go to an escalator that goes into the mouth of a stegasaurus being ridden by Saint Paul. That doesn’t work on any level. ”

Holand continued; “Buildings need to keep up to code, and to build on the structures that have come before. A building doesn’t just appear fully formed; you look at what has worked in the past and think on how to improve that. That way we can be moving forward, building on past designs and structures and improving the way we make museums in the future”

“I told them all this, but the guy in charge of this just called me a blasphemer and accused me of trying to tell children that their parents are baboons. I’m really not. I’m a Building Regulator.”

The ‘museum’ came under fire for having a roster of basic structural deficiencies. A room depicting Jesus healing a pteodactyl was built on a dangerously slanted floor. An installation that showed how the Great Flood was a feasible source for all of the water erosion in the world was built into an improperly plumbed wall. An ride in which children could ride on a model of the ark pulled by Plesiosaurs was shut down for Health and safety reasons. A large domed Planetarium that was built to show that stars are actually the twinkling eyes of angels in the distance suffered from improperly secured Seraphs, leading to a spate of angels falling toward the audience in a series of accidents that Museum supervisors have called ‘dangerously Miltonic’.

Dexter Holland concluded that the structure was unfit; “It’s like an M.C Escher building but with more animatronic T-rexes and crucifixes. The fire exits lead to statues of Moses. Also, that diorama of Darwin nailing gills onto a kitten and showing it off to a visibly erect satan seems kinda out of line, but that’s not my department.”

Museum founder Bill Bixby has claimed that the design and idea for the building came to him in a dream where Jesus took him on a walk around Eden, creeping past the velociraptors and into an opening where the Creationis museum was, “He told me to follow his design,” bixby told us: “That if i built it they would come, that it really, honestly isn’t stupid. How could I deviate from his design?”

Bixby has sworn to keep fighting to keep the Museum open, stating: “the children of this great nation need to know that people lived with dinosaurs. After all, if one part of the bible is not to be taken literally, then taken to its logical conclusion; no parts are. We can’t select which bits to believe. No. Cavemen rode on diplodocuses; that’s the only sensible alternative.”


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