Friday, 16 December 2011

Republican Presidential Nominees Stop Hiding Racism

Following the departure of pizza shilling sex machine Herman Cain from the GOP’s presidential candidacy the rest of the nominees have been seen to relax and have started speaking about racial issues, allowing the inherent bias of the Republican party- which has insured their success for so many years- to shine through to the delight of voters.

The latest debate in Maine was the first public event to feature all of the nominees debating without Cain and the lighter mood was evident from the outset. As each politician walked on stage the national anthem was replaced with the popular Stevie Wonder song ‘Ebony and Ivory’, a song choice that drew an ironic chuckle and then a standing ovation from the crowd.

Aaaaah, that’s better

Texan Rick Perry admitted to the prank, saying; “I knew y’all would get that. It’s good to be able to share a laugh with like minded folks, ain’t it? Without having to watch your mouth in case you insult some ni....tpicking, politically correct person”

After a more relaxed and jokey introduction to proceedings the debate largely centred on the failings of President Barrack Obama with Senator Rick Santorum announcing, “I feel like we can discuss this lazy, financially irresponsible, rap loving President honestly for the first time”

Rick Perry struck the first blow against the President, saying; “Y’know we all done seen his birth certificate. That’s done. He’s technically one of us and there ain’t no saying no other way no how. But what I find interesting is why it was such a big issue. Now I think the reason is we all in this room know that he ain’t one of us, not really, not in his heart, his soul, his genetic makeup. He’s a...Democrat, if you know what I mean. And I remember a time when Democrats didn’t have all the power. When Democrats knew their place”

This statement, drawing applause from the crowd was expanded on by Mitt Romney; “When I think of the White House, that ancient seat of power built in a simpler, better time.... when I think of that White House, I know just from picturing it who I want in power. I want- in the White House- a Republican! Let’s take our country back!”

Newt Gingrich later spoke of his respect for his fellow nominees: “Look at the face of anyone up her and I think you’ll find that we all share an important characteristic that you want in a leader. Dedication. Sure, let’s call it dedication.”

The only Candidate not seen to be having a great time was Michelle Bachman, the Iowa Senator and sole female on the stage. Though she did try to speak at several points a malfunction with her microphone caused it to be shut off. Technicians at the event say that this technical problem may have been caused by the large gas cooker that was situated next to her podium. on recommendations by the other candidates Bachman busied herself with the baking of several small cakes to aid the men’s debate stamina.

Eating a scone proffered by Bachman Senator Perry took a quiet moment to survey the stage and ask the audience: “Now, doesn’t this look like an America you want? This all looks pretty ideal to me. Hey Michelle these are top notch, hon” The Seanator then finished his scone in silence due to a long standing ovation from the crowd

The debate has lead to a huge jump in popularity for Senators Romney, Gingrich, Paul and Santorum


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