Monday, 5 December 2011

New Drink Driving Initiative Using Reverse Psychology

As is customary for the holiday season the government is unveiling a new campaign to prevent drink driving but in a surprise move the new campaign is employing sarcasm, reverse psychology and mockery instead of the usual heavy-handed warnings of the dangers of driving under the influence of alcohol.

Prof. Simon Daughterson, who is heading the ‘Just do it you honking great faggot’ campaign claims: “People have become desensitized to images of children being crushed by out of control mopeds piloted by drunkards. Every time we commission a new ad where some pregnant woman has a lexus plow straight into her belly in slow motion or something we get a little bit of a response when we launch it then interest drops off. People don’t watch any more, because they don’t want to see that kind of thing. We needed to find a new way to engage with the audience. Calling them cowardly lightweights really worked to that end.”

One of the defunct campaigns

The first billboard campaign in the new scheme depicted an infant dressed in a small leather jacket, leather cap and large prosthetic mustache next to the provocative slogan “Had nine pints and now you can’t drive? Don’t be such a big gay baby.” Underneath which was written the campaign slogan, “This christmas Drink Drive, ‘cos fuckit you’re gunna anyway”. This first campaign sparked controversy and thousands of complaints. Prof. Daughterson claims; “That’s when we knew we were on to something. We were starting up the debate.”

The controversial campaign has released several other iterations on the theme, some of the most contentious slogans being:

-Alright, fuckit Do whatever you want. It’s a free country, right?

-Warning: Drink driving is only awesome to those possessing a proper set of balls

-Maybe you’re one of those people that drives better drunk.Have at it, then Schumacher

-You should totally let the government tell you what to do and what you can handle, you simpering bitch

-I guess you can’t handle a shandy and a spin,eh, John Wayne?

-If it’s good enough for the goddamn Road Warrior it should be good enough for a prancing pansy like you

The ‘honking great faggot’ initiative has also successfully lobbied parliment to drastically cut the amount of speed traps and police officers on the roads during December, backing up some billboard claims. Prof. Daughterson argues that without this measure the campaign would flounder, with drivers realizing that dangerous behaviour was still punishable. “It’s all about perception. If they think we want them to drink a quart of bourbon and drive a vauxhall into nativity play, they won’t do it. The public must really believe that the government doesn’t care whether they live or die skewered on a steering column, full of rum”

Daughterson has unveiled the last of his batch of posters yesterday, showing various high profile car crashes such as Richard Hammond, James Dean and Jackson Pollock next to slogans asking if their deaths could have been prevented if they had just settled their nerves with a few jagerbombs first.

Felix Prenderghast
Senior Features Correspondent

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