Friday, 18 November 2011

Clooney ‘Clownishly Socially Awkward’ According To New Tell-All

Hollywood megastar ‘Gorgeous’ George Clooney may not be the suave lady’s man we’ve been led to believe according to a scandalous new tell-all memoir from the Ocean’s Eleven star’s former partner Emma Flaffelback.

Her new book ‘Clooney Toons: The Lie that is George’ hits shelves next month and sneak peeks accuse Clooney, 51, of being secretly ‘clownishly socially inept’, ‘borderline autistic when speaking in public’, ‘a rubbish dancer’ and, most shocking of all, ‘scarcely able to talk to women without embarrassing himself with visible erections and saliva spatterring stammerring’.

Clooney pictured avoiding eye contact

The book is full of salacious anecdotes; Flaffelback recounts the many instances of Clooney nervously vomiting into his own mouth when confronted by attractive fans, insecurely soiling himself when on the red carpet and regularly responding to the greeting ‘hey, George, what’s up?’ with an uncomfortable ‘not bad’, a response that Flaffelback points out does not match the informal question.

Clooney’s ex claims that in private the star is far more demure, preferring the more solitary pursuits of painting pewter miniatures of fantasy heroes and arranging them on a private map or rewatching his box sets of Babylon 5 rather than bedding a succession of models and starlets in big villas as the gossip magazines have been led to believe.

The book claims that Clooney’s career thus far has stemmed from being fed lines of frothy banter into a hidden ear piece by a team of Hollywood writers and being manoeuvred around events by an intricate series of winches and wires which gives the uncommonly shy actor the impression of easy body language and are later removed from photographs with photoshop.

These revelations have yet to be addressed by Clooney who is set to begin promotion on the political thriller The Ides Of March this week, but it is thought that a widespread deception on this scale could easily end the career of the allegedly duplicitous star.

Felix Prenderghast,
Senior Features Correspondent

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