Tuesday, 29 November 2011

President Obama Accused of Hating the Baby Jesus

U.S President Barrack Obama has come over fire for not mentioning God in his Thanksgiving address in what has been seen as an overt effort to eradicate the eternal love of the Creator and build a secular nation.

The alleged Kenyan Muslim Commander in Chief gave the customary address for the American holiday, thanking overseas troops, addressing fiscal concerns and touching on the Republican nominee’s race but never once pausing to give props to the Almighty. Many Conservative commentators have taken this as the latest clue that the President may be planning to eliminate Christ from their way of life through a relentless campaign of holiday speeches, gay marriage, abortions and socialised medicine.

Obama praises his Lord Satan

Though White house officials pointed out that president Obama did actually include thanks to the Christian Godhead in his written address, this has done little to assuage critics on the right. Inflammatory news personality Glen Beck claimed: “If it was in his written address why could he not say it? Ask yourself that, patriots. Why could he not bring himself to utter the name of our god. Is it possible that his forked tongue would burn to a cinder in his mouth if he utterred false praise of the divine spirit? I’m not saying that’s the case. I’m not. Nobody is. But it’s probably the case.”

Obama has been seen as closer to the secular progressive left, politically, with his overt and public funding of scientific programs and his avowed belief in the filthy satanic lie of evolution. Though Obama has gone on record as saying that he was, indeed a ‘man of faith’ and that he was raised going to church, many believe that his neglecting to praise god in the holiday address is a more accurate key to the president’s spiritual life- or lack thereof.

The athesit writer and advocate Richard Dawkins recently made a statement, cackling from atop his throne of monkey skulls shaped like Darwin’s beard: “Goooood,” he whispered, “This is indeed the first step. First the ‘forgetting’ in an inconsequential speech, then unleashing sodomites in the wedding chapels, then raising tax rates for those in the highest bracket to try to relieve the national debt. With all of that and the anti-deity neutrino weapon the scientific community are developing we will be able to eradicate the divine and live in a cold rationalist void!”. Dawkins then flew away in a rocket, back to Cobra Command.

The President has not responded to this latest criticism from the Republicans, as many speculate that he is simply too consumed with his burning hatred of the baby jesus to do anything else.

Felix Prenderghast,
Senior Features Correspondent

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