Thursday, 24 November 2011

Thousands of Children Queue to Hear J.K Rowling’s ‘Spellbinding’ Testimony

Pottermania gripped London once again as hordes of Gryffindors and Slytherins camped outside London High Court waiting for J.K Rowling to give her testimony for the Leveson Inquiry.

Though kept quiet by Rowling’s people, word quickly spread that the renowned children’s author was set to come to the capital and sit before a select audience to spin a tale about corruption, evil and a fight against an ancient australian dragon by a plucky group of chosen public figures. No Potter fan could keep away.

Fans vied for a place at the back of the High Court chambers to listen with wonder

Overnight a camp of fans- from the young to the young-at-heart- made an impromptu campsite in London’s legislative district to discuss possible plots and reminisce about the book and film saga under the puzzled gaze of various muggles. When the Scottish author arrived the next morning to appear before the select committee she graciously signed autographs before being sworn in.

The committee- a group of MPs, journalists, lawyers and investigators- settled into a big comfy sofa with cups of cocoa before dimming the lights and encouraging the demure storyteller to weave a new tale of wonder and magic.

Rowling went on to narrate a tale of a naive young writer harried and pursued by dementor-like creatures who wanted to know what secrets her phone and bins kept. Even though she knew no great secret, the Dementors had chosen her and she was forced to hide. Her phone, which held forbidden secrets and codes, was opened remotely by experts in the Dark Arts, which meant that the evil dragon and all of his wizards could see the writer wherever she went, no matter what.

The tale took a dark turn when a journalist from the Paper-That-Cannot-Be-Named slipped a letter into the schoolbag of the hero’s young child (like a twisted version of Harry’s invitation to Hogwart’s) to show that the corrupt, immortal Murrr-dok could see all in the land and wasn’t afraid to show his power.

The tale ended with Rowling’s hero joining a guild and trying to find a way to turn the hexes back on those who cast them somehow, but the ending clearly left room for a sequel and the select committee gave a standing ovation to the writer when she finished.

Critical reaction was overwhelmingly positive, though some said that the narrative’s villain was a little bit too evil for believability, and that the hero actually did very little in the course of the story other than be victimised and react to the events. But that’s how the Harry Potter books usually went.

A leather bound transcript of J.K Rowling’s Leveson Inquiry Transcripts will be released next week, with an audio version narrated by Stephen Fry available the following week via iTunes

Felix Prenderghast,
Senior Features Correspondent

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