New ‘Dark-net’ Like “If Tron was Made of Penises”

An online project has been launched to create a secret, hidden layer to the internet where the perversity and darkness at the heart of humanity can finally find a space to mutate unregulated. The Tor Project is the name given to the ambitious virtual construction where thousands of users are attempting collaborate to build what has been billed as an ‘abattoir for hope’.

The users are said to be exploiting Amazon’s cloud service (the ‘EC2’ or ‘Elastic compute cloud’) to build a ‘bridge’ down into an unregulated area where the shackles of law, accountability and morality are shaken off and a new breed of horror can be born. According to Tor founders the internet is not free enough as it is, even though you can buy brides, look up thousands of pictures of 'hilarious' winch accidents and profit from pornographic 'meme' videos of transvestite paraplegics eating rotting dolphinmeat and fingering each other. They want more.

Like this but made of nightmares and fanfic.

An anonymous Tor founder writes: “Have you seen Event Horizon? You know the place that that ship goes to? It’ll be a bit like that but with slightly more anime.”

A blog set up by a Tor member thought to be either a member of the ‘lulsec’ hacker group or an unnameable avatar of corruption has encouraged users to sign up for Amazon’s service and donate bandwidth to the construction of these ‘bridges’ so that, in their words “We can find out what we can become in a hidden shadowrealm even God’s gaze cannot pierce.”

According to both founders and critics, a layer like this will make information and file sharing quicker, easier and harder to track. Content in the ‘darknet’ will therefore be that much harder to prosecute according to the laws of Man. As such, some of the darker corners of the internet can grow there, like weird bukkake mushrooms in the dark. Tor Project founders have assured internet users via their blogs that the content that they now think of as twisted or nihlistic will become “like an innocent picnic on a sunny day, comparatively speaking”. “What do you think is unconscionably wrong? 2 girls 1 cup? Oh, you innocent child, we have soooo much to show you, so many red delights.”

However in the light of hackers from the group ‘Anonymous’ being responsible for high profile cases of cyber crime, government wariness of e-crime is at an all time high.Tor has responded to this tension by promising that if governments and investigators will simply ignore the bridges this one time then most of that will end. They just need to turn a blind eye to the construction of one little alternative network of unregulated virtual maniacs forming a hivemind around japanese tentacle porn, rape jokes and Family Guy references.

Despite this proposed treaty an investigation has been launched into the ‘darknet’ after journalist and blogger Terry Windowly found one of the Tor bridges and took a journey into the unregulated layer. Although Windowly made no record of his time there, his fiance reported that after closing his laptop he seemed ‘withdrawn and quiet’. She added that shortly after, he recieved a brief phone call that “seemed to frighten him to the core, though he didn’t say a word to whoever it was”. Seven days later Windowly was found dead in front of his laptop.

Terry Windowly

Sociologist Howard Barkley has argued in favour of the darknet as an interesting study case, though he has also assured the public that in his professional opinion when people get together for an extended period of time with no legal constrictions or ramifications to their actions while being anonymous, things almost always work out for the best.

Felix Prenderghast,

Senior Features Correspondent