Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Huge Amoral Corporation Making a Killing Off those Guy Fawkes Masks

Sitting in front of a spreadsheet in a dimly lit room, a sinister fat man smoking a cigar today announced that his company was making an absolute killing selling those Guy Fawkes masks.

The mysterious tycoon who holds significant stock in arms companies, nuclear power, sweatshops and battery farms chuckled as he informed his underlings of the massive profits he was reaping from the Occupy Wall Street protesters who were buying the product by the thousands.

Every one contains 17 millilitres of orphan tears

“Ha ha ha” he boomed through a fug of expensive cigar smoke, “those peasants are pouring money into my blood stained hands, the fools! The profits from those masks have meant that i can reopen that South American Diamond mine! Just in time for Christmas. This is after i buy another yacht, of course and I might well treat myself to another immigrant housekeeper while i’m at it.”

The Guy Fawkes masks, a symbol of anarchistic uprising taken from Allan Moore’s graphic novel V for Vendetta and the subsequent motion picture, were first appropriated by internet group ‘anonymous’ and most recently the Occupy Wall Street movement who are protesting the system of global financial management among other things.

However the rights to the image and their reproduction were bought up by a consortium of different companies operating on behalf of the unnamed large corporation whose true machinations can never be seen. Since then the sales of the subversive masks have provided a steady revenue stream for a wide variety of businesses and animal testing laboratories.

The powerful industrialist flipped on one of his myriad TV screens to coverage of the amorphous protest and poured himself another brandy, saying;“If only they knew how many tiny Indonesian children were being permanently disfigured by boiling plastic spillages in my shoddily made mask factory. Do you know how much I hush up the families with? A shiny, single dollar.....paid to a man with a machete, a shovel and a bag of slaked lime”

Addressing his stockbrokers, the shadowy businessman said; “I really do love those counterculture kids. they’re trying to affect a real change. When the political candidate that I’m sponsoring takes charge of the country and is informed by the banks that I part-own that they need to go to war to provide my factories with oil, I’ll think kindly of these hippy students and try to resist having them conscripted.”

When informed of the link, most OWS protesters have remained skeptical, claiming that the ‘powers that be’ simply wished to take away their unifying symbol through misinformation.

Meanwhile a revitalized Halliburton has recently announced its takeover of Amnesty International.

Felix Prenderghast,
Senior Features Correspondent

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