Thursday, 5 January 2012

Dianne Abbott Accused of Hating Honkies

Shadow Health Minister Dianne Abbott has been caught up in controversy following a tweet in which she claimed that “white people love to play divide and rule”, in a move that has delighted white people everywhere.

The racist generalisation, tweeted in the wake of the Stephen Lawrence trial is thought to allow a nervous white population to finally be able to play the victim and act outraged instead of all the black people on the news complaining about institutionally racist treatment at the hands of the police.

“It’s our turn” claimed equality campaigner Nick Griffin, “We’ve seen over the past few weeks black activists calling for changes in legislation and the organization of our police forces. If you’re anything like me- by which i mean white- you’ll have been getting a bit nervous over all of this. Now something like this comes along and I’ll be honest with you-it’s bloody marvelous. We can finally shine a light on the true oppressed minority in this country: middle class white people.”

Though Abbott has come out as claiming that her original message was mistyped and that her original text was meant to read “White people love playing croquet. We should not play their game” her claims have done nothing to quell the complaints and calls for resignation that would no doubt make everyone happy and solve everything.

The British Croquet Association have also called for her resignation and is said to be suing the MP on the grounds of defamation

In light of her regrettable comments the public have been vocal in their outrage. IT Consultant Mike Oldham claimed “I thought she was talking about popular late 90s PC strategy game ‘Command and Conquer’ which i do really love to play with other white people. However once the racial implications were explained to me, I was outraged. I think the only way through this is to fire this prominent black member of parliment”

Dianne Abbott’s words have also made her a target for members of the black community who are said to feel that in the wake of such a racially sensitive trial and in light of the opportunity to affect positive change in terms of discrimination laws that the MPs words were ill judged and would set her cause back. As such several black community activists are joining the call for Abbott’s resignation.

Hearing of the furore today, a powerful and shadowy white man muttered “Gooood” and chuckled in a room lined with television screens. “All is going according to plan,” he continued, “This MP is but a pawn in the grand design of things, her sacrifice will bring me closer to my ultimate goal. And her own constituents will be the ones to call for her head. My, but this is delicious.”

The unnamed businessman then walked over to a chessboard, moved a white bishop to knock out a black rook, lit a cigar and laughed for four minutes.


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