Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Lady Gaga Sued by PA For Being Lady Gaga

Jennifer O’Neill, the former personal assistant of pop sensation Lady Gaga is suing the Poker Face star for alleged unpaid overtime and for emotional distress.

The ex-PA is claiming the latter charge is caused by the eccentric star’s extensive list of demands. O’Neill told us: “ I don’t mind driving you to your personal jet, picking up your dry cleaning, getting you an omelette or waking you up. That’s the job. but if I’m required to do stuff like sew a sheep’s skull to a pair of veal chaps, then carry the Gaga in a massive egg to her backstage area, well I think that’s above and beyond the call of duty"

RIGHT-HAND GAL: Ex-personal assistant Jennifer O’Neill, here with then-boss Lady Gaga in Paris during the Monster Ball Tour, is suing the singer for back pay.

She went on to claim that she would regularly have to prepare backstage areas for Gaga rooms which were, according to Ms. O’Neill, contractually required to contain a bathtub full of asp milk, a tesla coil shaped like Marlene Dietrich’s last smile and at least thirty one vagina shaped candles.

O’Neill told reporters: “Ms. Germanotta [Gaga’s real name] was an unreasonable employer who expected constant work and sycophancy from her entourage. Also she’s fookin’ mental, so she is.”

Ms. O’Neill accompanied the pop star on her Little Monsters 2010 tour; a tour hailed for its remarkable stageshow wherein Lady Gaga would enter the stage by being fired out of a gay cannon before donning a specially made full-body suit made out of live toads before climbing onto a swing made of her dancers to dispense handfulls of glitter-speckled offal over the heads of her fans as she passed overhead.

“It’s a metaphor” claimed Gaga in an interview with Rolling Stone, “for being yourself, and being free and diversity and all that. We’re all precious, strange creatures of the universe.Even people from Doncaster. My tour really shows that to my fans in a very deep way, I think. There’s no way one of my little monsters could watch me sing my disco songs while clomping about on gammon stilts, playing a piano made of an old biplane (which is also my hat) and not come away with a very profound message about equality and identity and gay marriage and whatever”

However Ms. O’Neill has claimed: “She’s a bloody mentalist and I’m right sick of her shite”

“Whenever she’d want to get dressed I wouldn’t know whether I’d have to sneak into the scrap yard, the butcher’s, the maternity ward, the tomb of a dragon or a kitch Russian military base in the year five thousand. It were murder.”

The allegations of bizarre requests and overworking are not new, however. Another former Gaga assistant- Angela Ciemny- has claimed that she would be required to sleep with and shower with the star because she ‘did not want to be alone’

“She also insisted on being carried around on a plinth like that tall, bald bloke from 300. Her dressing room demands were barmy and all, like. She wanted the room stocked with baby food because of some daft diet, she wanted a bird bath full of stem cells, the room had to be the exact temperature of her mother’s womb (though luckily her mother travelled with us at all times) and a troupe of Aborigine children to pray at her and wash her feet.”

“Still, I suppose it’s all worth it when you hear the music. What’s that one with the saxaphone in it and the repetitious chorus? That one were champion.”

Lady Gaga’s people have declined to respond to either the claim or the court case and the singer herself is currently unreachable since she is suspended in a solid gold room floating 300 feet above Los Angeles where she is penning her next album about the dangers of fame.


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