Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Jay-Z Agrees to Stop Calling Women Stupid Bitches.


Large faced rap star Jay-Z has today claimed that he will stop using disrespectful language towards women following the birth of his daughter Blue Ivy Carter. The change is said to have come after doctors informed him that they expected Blue Ivy to grow up to become a woman.

The rapper has admitted that, until a girl emerged from his wife it had not occurred to him that the word might seem indecorous or anything less than cordial.


“If I follow the logic, all of the women I called bitches in the past were at one point innocent babies like my daughter is now. And if I don’t like the idea of anyone badmouthing my progeny then I have to give serious consideration to stopping comparing most of the women in the world to prostitutes. Otherwise I’m to be considered a hypocrite”, the rapping man reasoned today.

Vowing to change his ways, Mr. Z read a poem he penned in light of the birth of his daughter that touches on his changed perspective: “Before I got in the game, made a change, and got rich, I didn't think hard about using the word bitch,I rapped, I flipped it, I sold it, I lived it. Now with my daughter in this world I curse those that give it.'



Speaking to journalists today, Jay-Z (real name Norman Harold Zee) issued the following apology to all women:

“To all of the bitches, to all of the hos, to all of the bitch-ass-skank-hos I must issue my most sincere apology. It was not until I looked upon my daughter that it dawned on me that the song ‘2 Many Hos’ may be hurtful. I was simply trying to express the problems associated with having a surplus of hos. I was ignorant.”

“When I wrote “I’ve got 99 problems but the bitch ain’t one” I genuinely thought I was casting a positive light on the role that one bitch was casting on my otherwise problem filled existence”

“When I look back on the opening lyrics to my hit single ‘Big Pimpin’ as a father, I can only regret saying:
You know I thug em, fuck em, love em, leave em/Cause I don't fuckin need em/ Take em out the hood, keep em lookin good/ But I don't fuckin feed em”

“I see now that you should not treat women in such a manner and- at the very least- you should feed them. That’s basic. If someone talked about my daughter like that- or refused to feed her- I would be absolutely furious”