In entertainment news the popular fantasy TV series Game of Thrones will be migrating from the HBO channel to Fox this year following financial troubles faced by the respected Home Box Office network.
However Fox spokespeople have assured fans that the spirit of the series will remain unchanged. TV executive Ellen Yindell told us: “We will absolutely respect the intricately plotted nihilistic fantasy of George RR Martin’s that fans have grown to adore. But we’ve also been listening to fans on the internet so we can assure you that this newest series will place a lot more stress on delivering the bombastic action sequences, wizard fights and aerial dragon combat that you’ve been crying out for”
Less of this
Yindell continued “We see the first series as having really set the chessboard. The political aspirations and power struggles between each house have been established, the importance and motivations of each character is set. Now we can really have fun. We can set that chessboard on fire! With dragons!”
“Also why are there no wizards? I thought this was a fantasy series. We’re going to put some wizards in. But not the stodgy, Gandalf type. Something new and fresh. A cool young wizard from the streets. He could be played by Chris Tucker.”
“We will be keeping some things. Test audiences really responded to the frequency with which boobs were shown so we’ll be keeping that, but they were also turned off by how much talking was going on while said boobs were on screen. It was confusing and distracting. We’ll be replacing all that talking with saxaphone solos.”
“In fact overall it seemed to be a bit ‘talky’” reveals Yindell, “People sat on swords more than they fought with them”
After fan outcry at the death of avatar of grim northern-ness Sean Bean, Fox has confirmed that he will be returning to the series. Leaked details reveal that -SPOILERS!- a clumsy wizard’s assistant played by Lee Evans will trip up on centaur droppings and spill a beaker of Phoenix Down on Eddard Stark’s impaled head. “It’ll be a bit of a cliffhanger” reveals Yindell, “but two episodes later someone will be returning with a bad attitude, an unshakeable Sheffield accent and fire powers. I can’t say who, but it’s Sean Bean.”
“We also want to lay a bit more emphasis on Jamie Lannister- the hunk with the shiny armour, Hollywood good looks and fighting prowess. We really feel he should take more of a lead role. People want to see attractive people on their screens and the previous series’ emphasis on stubbly men looking off into moors and shaking their heads will come under review.”
“But the real message of the books- that good always triumphs in the end- will surely be honoured by us. We really want to expediate the very unpopular choice to have that little Joffrey prick on the throne. God, I just hate his face.”
Fox claim that the show’s breakout star Peter Dinklage will be given much more screen time as the Lannister’s cunning and charming dwarf outcast Tyrion. Audiences reportedly found the character engaging and funny so showrunners are planning on including more sequences that highlight the character’s comedic potential; these scenes will range from Dinklage riding large horses, to him being unable to reach doorknobs, to his unlikely abduction by a large crow.
The new series of Game of Thrones, tentatively titled ‘Game of Thrones 2: The Deadliest Game’ is due to premiere on Fox this March and is being advertised with the tagline ‘Winter’s Here Already, Bitches’.